Yesterday in class we talked about self-disclosure. First off, did you know that 95% of all communication is superficial- regular ole, how's it goin stuff. When Brother Embree shared that with us, I was blown away. How boring! Then we discussed that it's that way because its SAFE. Why would you trust just any ole person with the secrets of your life?
We did a little group discussing and shared things like our favorite ice cream flavor, favorite trip, what we're most scared of, and a sincere compliment to someone in the group. It was so interesting to see how easy the first questions were and how hard the last two were to answer. You wouldn't think it'd be the hard, esp considering I have known these people since the beginning of the semester.
I've been paying attention to the conversations I have with the people around me and trying to see how far both of us would go in revealing information. With my family and roommates it's easy to share EVERYTHING! But then with my friends I saw on campus, it was the superficial stuff again, for the most part. We do have to take into account that I am a southern girl and therefore share a little more than a gal from Idaho or Washington would... :)
You know, this is something that seems really important to me. I want to try to focus a little more attention on this in the future. This is the key to having MEANINGFUL relationships. Best friends! Boy/girl relationships. I went through a relationship with this guy for 9 months were I disclosed SO much information about myself, and he disclosed very little- not much of a talker. I assume that's why it was so hard to breakup when we did, because he knew SO much about me... I had trusted him with that information.
No wonder we're so careful with our dreams, desires, and secrets... :)
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Like Bro Embree said, you can be intimiate or you can be safe, you can't be both. Some people just have a natural ability to express how they feel, what they think, or who they are. I admire these types of people. Once we reveal who we really are we make ourselves vulnerable. Society tells us that men shouldn't be vulnerable, we need to be macho, impulsive, strong, opinionated, and a bunch of other things, but not vulnerable. I am even sometimes hesitant to share feelings with my wife to be. I know that as time goes on it will be natural, but more more we tell about ourselves the more power and control we give the other person. It all comes down to trust. Like we learned in class, if our trust is violated once then it takes a very long time for us to jepordize it again. I think that meaningful conversation does need to take place, but that we must be patient with those around us and try to undertand why they may be slow in self disclosure.
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